Ethics and Human Dignity as Communication of Javanese Family that Interfaith Religious Life

Character values are important for the Indonesian people, especially in Java. Therefore, parents have a role and responsibility in realizing ethical values to their children. For example, the children's habit of greeting guests when they come to visit is part of the assessment of Javanese manners. However, not all parents have the same background so it is easy to realize the value of children's character. One of the differences in the backgrounds of parents is differences in religion. Although Indonesia is one of the countries that does not legalize interfaith marriage, in fact, there are many interfaith marriages. Therefore, the aim of this research is to reveal the phenomenon of Ethics and Human Dignity as Communication of Javanese Family in Difference Religious Life. This research describes the behavior of individuals of different religions which are manifested in their daily social life by referring to Javanese politeness rules or manners. Social manners and politeness in Java determine the shape of the relationship between humans, determining which movements and language are used to express respect. In Javanese mindset and religion regarding human life and life in this realm are not cognitive-experiential in nature. The Javanese mindset does not make an essential definition about “what is life” but is more preoccupied with the problem about "how man reaches jumeneng as ‘tetungguling laku’. The Javanese family behavior system has a cosmic philosophical meaning, the balance between microcosmos and macrocosmos, namely the interrelation of individual and social life between oneself and others.


Introduction
Preparing a generation that has mutual respect, values differences, and builds harmonious social relationships requires building a good family foundation. Parents as the ultimate factors must have a major role in this process. The main role of parents can be in the form of planting the basic values of social life, for example, values of manners in tepa selira, and tresna lan sumarah. Naturally, in Javanese families having hopes and desires in communication between family members is built harmoniously, because family members are the implementation of a culture which then forms the culture of Javanese society (Endraswara, 2010). Usually, it is used in the communication or messages that parents send to their children. in fact, it should be a rule that a child should always remember when talking to the social environment. Moreover, it is expected to happen to anyone in a more general cultural context. Thus, in the parenting of Javanese are children who have polite language and good manners when communicating with anyone, especially other people and elders. Therefore, parents need proper parenting. parenting in educating children can be through religious advice and dogma. In addition, parents are also required to educate their children intellectually or intellectually, so that the values of responsibility for their children's actions are embedded in their souls. Parents in carrying out their roles must not be indoctrinated, that is, forcing thoughts and imposing their will on their children. Parents must act as catalyst who encourage and help children to determine their actions and responsibility for their own actions. Therefore, parents must guide it by teaching values about truth and kindness. parenting through dogma and religious advice based on religious beliefs or guidelines to God can result in the ease of expecting children to obey and respect their parents. Uneducative coercion and indoctrination will be avoided if parents do everything with love, affection, affection and responsibility.
This feeling of love, compassion, affection, and responsibility is reflected in Christian teachings in Mark 10: 13-16, namely: "Then people brought little children to Jesus so that He could touch, but His disciples scolded people. -that person. When Jesus saw this, he was angry and said to them, let the children come to Me, do not hinder them, because people like that belong to the kingdom of God. I tell you, verily whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child, he will not enter into Him. He embraced the children and, laying his hands on them, blessed them. Do not stir up anger in the hearts of your children, this was Paul's advice in his letter to the Colossians. This is based on the verse Col 3:21, namely: "Do not offend your children, lest they lose their hearts". Therefore, parents are responsible for not arousing anger from their children, either with attitudes, words or deeds.
In fact, although interfaith marriages are not legally legalized in Indonesia and especially for Islam, marriages between couples who embrace different religions still occur. In 2012, interfaith marriages from 2004 were recorded to have reached 1,109 couples (Akbar, 2012). According to activists from the Indonesian Conference on Religion and Peace (ICRP), which has facilitated 827 interfaith couples in Indonesia, there are several areas where the Population and Civil Registry Service is willing to register interfaith marriages such as Yogyakarta, Salatiga, Surabaya and Denpasar (Wargadiredja, 2018). It was clear that this couple and their family had to deal with the irregularities at the beginning of the marriage. Moreover, religion is the basis of a person's life, including in the relationship between marriage and family (daddy, mom and child). Of course, it becomes a big question for couples of different religions, namely the pattern of upbringing in the family, especially Javanese people, which are full of karmic and cultural values. Based on this description, this study aims to describe the phenomenon of family communication in religious life, ethics and human dignity.

Method
This study uses the phenomenological method, because this method has a form of study that can see and understand from an individual experience ISSN:00333077 5419 www.psychologyandeducation.net related to certain phenomena. If it is related to research on Javanese family communication with religious life, ethics and dignity. This study seeks to see an understanding of the communication process of families who have a background of religious differences but still maintain the values of Javanese people who pay attention to and maintain family ethics and dignity. In the analysis of phenomenological data, the researcher makes a list and classifies the data that has been obtained from the interview results. Then, the researcher reduced the data and eliminated unnecessary data by creating data reduction tables. After obtaining the results of the conclusions in each of the informants' answers, the researcher carried out a data validation process through structural and textural descriptions. Structural descriptions explain themes of time, place, one's own relations with others and concern for life regarding deliberate cause and effect. Meanwhile, the textural description is known as the depiction of the meaning of an experience experienced by the research subject as a phenomenon (Kuswarno, 2013).

Omah as Space Time in Javanese Family Communication
Unbelievable, the relationship between a psychological association of home and an architectural association of home is complex. Neither can exist without the other (Stoneham & Smith, 2015). However, for those who live mainly Javanese people, it is not a necessity to have a large or magnificent house that is fully organized and fully furnished. They already feel more than enough with all held today. Three children have occupied the existing room. Not so obvious private space for them. The children's study table is not in the bedroom, and only occupies a part of the living room. For children, studying at home can occupy any space. The wooden folding table on the back of the plywood purchased for about twenty thousand is enough for the twins to finish school homework, write, draw, or read. Sometimes chairs and tables in the family room can serve as a place to study.
Not much different from Mrs. Wagini about the meaning of home. The house is a place for a relationship between herself and her husband, a place for affection between parents and children, and a place for character building for family members. The function of the house becomes more important because all life processes can be expressed without having to be disturbed by conditions outside the home. The relationship between members can be built optimally. Home is a movement of the atmosphere in the form of complaining, being happy, hungry and full, resting and doing activities both biologically and psychologically. In essence, Mrs. Wagini did not question the luxury or modesty of the house she owned.
In my opinion, the house is something important to gather us from various kinds that can separate me as my wife, husband, and my children. Even though it was small and ugly, this house was worth more than any nice place anywhere and like anything that didn't belong to me. Just imagine, if we live in a nice place but it's still renting. Better an ugly house or a simple but own property. In essence the house is a family place. At home, we also find the "bitterness" of life. I can sleep, I can escape the rain and heat. Inside, we can do whatever we want. like a word, "whatever we want be it color, room, make up and so on. We want to cook, want to scream, even happy, sad, happy, this is the place." (Interview with Mrs. Wagini) Likewise, for Mr. Darmanto, that home is a family, so that between family and house there is no correlative difference. The family is united by a house which is a place or building that cannot be separated from the family formation process in it; In my opinion, home is a place for education that is not taught in school. At school it depends on the subject. My hope is that I can build and educate a family that doesn't behave much like children now. it means to be a Njawani child. because, the association now makes parents apprehensive. Morals are important to be considered by family, introduce good behavior, politeness, respect for Not far from what Frans Magnis wrote about the meaning of family. He explains that the family is a hotbed of security and a source of protection. First, parents are the main and first source of physical and spiritual well-being for their children. through parents, children receive all kinds of goodness, and position in society (Suseno, 2006).
There are various kinds of behavior that exist in the social area, such as the pros and cons of community life in the early phases of life. this phase is on the family to go through. Home or family is a simple miniature of the social field. So, Mr. Darmanto and Mrs. Wagini prepare their children in home or family life with the value of building behavior to face social realities.
Certainly, the home can serve as a medium in reconciling a child's anxieties that parents should hear. because, there is a place that maximizes the position of father and mother. as parents who are able to accommodate their children's feelings of anxiety. It will be difficult to emphasize the role of parents for their children if they are not in the home environment. The house is an ideal and clean place to build an atmosphere of warm family that cannot be replaced psychologically by any place and anywhere. The spaces in the house are generally Javanese, which in their daily address is Nggon. The verb becomes Manggon and Panggonan means place or place. So for the Javanese it is more accurate to understand place than space (Tjahjono, 1989, Setiawan, 1991. This house was built after two years of marriage between Mr. Darmanto and Mrs. Wagini. This land belongs to Mr. Darmanto's parents which was given to him to build a house. Bu Wagini agreed to build a house on the land. Not carelessly, related to the reason for building this house because the family condition is outside the tendency of the general public. Mr. Darmanto and Bu Wagini are manifestations of the Javanese. Their parents are indigenous Javanese. However, if it is related to a place to live or a house, it does not mean that they do not fulfil as Javanese (Njawani), the reason is the shift in time and era as well as spatial efficiency and time effectiveness, economics in financing.
Because of that, nowadays Javanese houses almost no longer use Javanese standards, including Mr. Darmanto's house. the building of the house is no longer a Javanese house. The reality of Javanese houses today is very different from previous Javanese houses, which had to fulfill strict requirements, be full of philosophies, and considerations that required all abilities both body and soul, both materially and spiritually. Javanese people are born and raised in their community.
Society is manifested first in the family circle, then neighbors, the wider family and finally the ISSN:00333077 5421 www.psychologyandeducation.net society. In this family environment, each individual finds an identity and a sense of security. such as the opinion of Revianto Budi Santosa (2000) that once a Javanese leaves his home and family, he will feel uncertainty and the possibility of dealing with obstacles. By "being on the road" one is in an uncertain position because of leaving home. The house is an established foothold both socially and spatially.
Thus, the residence for the Javanese is a place or order of place, which has a certain meaning in the parts of the Javanese house. In the main house (Omah) the term dalem can be interpreted as Javanese selfishness because the word Dalem is the first person pronoun "Kulo" in the subtle Javanese language or krama basa. The basis of selfishness in the Javanese world view lies in the unity with the Illahiyah which is pursued throughout his life in seeking Sangkan Paraning Dumadi by always deepening feelings, namely an understanding of the origin and purpose of being a being (Suseno, 1996). Every culture has a unique way of conceptualizing space, whether inside the house, outside the home, or in dealing with other people. Even more advanced, through proxemics is able to examine human perceptions of space (personal and social), the way humans use space and the influence of space on communication (Mulyana, 2010). Priyotomo (1984) articulates Javanese houses, for example Sentong Tengah which is located in the omah section is a place for homeowners to relate and be one with God. While the Pendopo is a means of communicating with fellow humans. That is the meaning of space in this Javanese residence which includes aspects of place, time and ritual. The residence is a place where the Little Universe (microcosmos) is united, namely the Javanese man with the Big Universe (macrocosmos), namely the universe and the supernatural powers that control it. For the Javanese, their home is the axis of the world (axismundi) and the image of the world or imagomundi (Eliade & Adams, 1987).
In daily interactions from inside and outside the home, private territory is claimed (Mulyana, 2008). The family determines who occupies which room. Typically, the bedroom is the most private area, while other spaces that are less personal, namely the living room (family), guest room, terrace, courtyard, and street. Even at meal times, family members and especially the father often occupy a certain chair which is usually at the head of the table.
According to Marcel Danesi (2010: 322), a house in the form of a rough hut or a luxury mansion is a shelter that provides protection from the weather and intruders. Hence, the home was felt as an extension of the body's protective armor. If someone comes into the house it will feel like they have entered their own body. therefore, when people build and organize houses, they are bound to be busy making a self-image that fits their eyes. Self-identification with the house is characteristic of every culture (Sastroatmodjo, 2006).
When comparing with the traditional Bugis house structure, it explains a philosophical picture consisting of three layers, namely the top is called Boting Langi, the middle is called Alle Kawa and the bottom is called Uri Liyu. The traditional Bugis house manifests from the macrocosm which consists of three parts, namely the upper world, the middle world, and the underworld. The upper world is in the sky, the middle world is on earth and the underworld is under water. It is in line with the Attauriolong belief system which believes in three elements, namely: Dewata Seuwae who is in charge of three gods (Boting Langi ', Malino, and Uwae), the spirits of the ancestors and supernatural powers. Thus, the Bugis house and the elements in each structure, are symbols of the cosmos according to vertical lines that are related to theological teachings based on the belief of the three elements of the cosmos. (Yunus, 2012).
Every room in a house has a meaning that produces a specific set of emotional connotations. The act of hiding the location of the bedroom appears to have a biological reason. Humans are very vulnerable when sleeping, of course, is a wise explanation to hide the bed from the view of others. The bedroom is a place for an individual to PSYCHOLOGY AND EDUCATION (2021) 58 (1): 5417-5429 ISSN:00333077 5422 www.psychologyandeducation.net release fatigue, relax, and express what is inside him through decorations and personal objects. The bedroom is a place of refuge and seclusion from the outside world. Only those who are close are allowed to share the space physically and symbolically (Danesi, 2010, p. 324) For example, the dining room, this space is defined as a dining area which is emphasized by a table and chairs that are close to the storage of cutlery in the form of a cupboard. Likewise, the family room is a room that is interpreted as a place for family members to gather while talking This family place is separated by a Gedhek partition divider from the living room and kitchen room. In addition, wooden doors were attached to connect the spaces. But most importantly, it means more than just a place to eat. Because the place to eat is the most effective communication media between members, the warmest atmosphere, and the psychological condition of each family member feels relaxed.
Mrs. Wagini explained the family tradition of always trying to do things together at dinner, but not at breakfast and lunch. because, in the morning Mr. Darmanto had left for work first and the children had a simple breakfast. Anis's sister rarely has breakfast at home because she often has breakfast at school during breaks. the most frequent breakfast is the youngest before he goes to school. at dinner, the family loves to eat while chatting lightly with lots of topics even with simple dishes.
Agree with Mr. Darmanto who felt that communication with all family members was at the dining area next to the kitchen. This kind of situation is built because all family members are in a conducive condition, no one feels taught or taught. Communication is carried out flowing because it is done by small talk in a relaxed condition. The topics discussed are also various, for example, such as Anis's school activities. This also affects children. Even when they started eating, Mr Darmanto and his daughter Anis read Bismillah or prayer before eating while the twins followed Ibu Wagini's prayer.
While on the front porch of his house there is a shop full of various kinds of merchandise. There are various kinds of snacks that are usually posted as a sign that there is a stall or shop there. The existence of stalls is emphasized by hanging from small snacks to household needs and various kitchen needs of local residents. In the concept of place and space, private and open, it is a very open shop for anyone to stop by at Mr. Darmanto's house. This shop or warung takes up half of the living room of Mr. Darmanto's family room building. Through this shop, they sell household necessities, such as arranged various kinds of crackers, sweets or sweets and basic necessities such as rice, eggs and flour, soap, cigarettes, and many others.

Family Communication: Mikul Dhuwur and Mendem Jero Communication
Various kinds of actions from each family member form a family system through the family role that is held by each family in general, including Mr. Darmanto's family. This family always applies the concept of action, namely a Javanese philosophy, Mikul Dhuwur lan Mendem Jero. It means that respect for parents or elders is a must for a child in other words, this philosophy provides and finds equivalent meanings, although not exactly in the term mikul dhuwu mendhem jero, namely polity, courterius, manner. Beth Simonson (2014) in Voice of Zion explains about a good attitude in maintaining good manners and courtesy is to consider others more worthy than ourselves. In Phil (2:3) said "let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves". If we have respect for all individuals, no matter their age, race, or personality, courtesy will be genuine (Simonson, 2014).
The act of respecting parents should characterize children in all circumstances. it Unnaturaly, if a child does evil and unkindness, for example by ISSN:00333077 5423 www.psychologyandeducation.net defaming his parents. This act of respecting parents is not limited to these situations and conditions, even after death the good name of the parents should not occur (Suratno & Astiyanto, 2009) At first glance, Mr. Darmanto's family system would appear theoretically as a family with a vertical character of communication patterns. According to Clifford Geertz, this is evidence of the instruments of religion and culture that appear in family communication (Marzali, 2017). In this vertical communication pattern, it is assumed that the relationship building between husband and wife, parents and children, and between children is static and rigid. In addition, it is assumed that in theory there is no balanced relationship between family members. One party feels deeper in some ways and treats the other as weak and lacking. Their communication patterns or relationships are characterized by a power and command system. There is no discussion or open conversation, only the husband orders the wife who submits. Parents rule while children must be silent is the language of obedience. The vertical communication pattern is built characterized by power.
In reality, in certain areas Mr. Darmanto's family builds his family communication with horizontal communication patterns, because the concept of mikul dhuwur mendem jero allows friendly and cool conversation or communication in the household. Every family member is ready and living with joy and continuously trying to build togetherness and warmth. No one feels oppressed or oppressed, but instead there is only mutual care and protection, giving and serving, helping and complementing. There is openness and mutual condescension towards one another. The strengths of a husband become a blessing for the shortcomings and limitations of the wife. Conversely, relationships in the family are dynamic and dialogical. Everything in the household goes through a deliberation process to seek consensus. Families with horizontal communication patterns are built on the basis of love and affection without having to abandon the concept of mikul dhuwur mendem jero.
As a pair of Mrs. Wagini and the father of her children, the eldest brother Anis and the twins Dila and Mira, Mr. Darmanto has a strong role. The role of Mr. Darmanto as a father in a very broad family, so that for Mrs. Wagini, Mr. Darmanto is a husband who is able to lead a family as is the case in the religion or culture that shapes him. Father is more in the role of leader can be interpreted; Spiritual Leader towards Wife. The spiritual leader of the wife means that the husband must pray, the wife and lead the wife according to the rules or dogma.
Leader means leading accompanied by love, serving, and not demanding, because a good human being is not to be served but to serve or benefit others. Likewise, if only all family members position themselves as a figure needed to help other members in the family, it can be ensured that the family atmosphere will be harmonious. Leading also has a very educational meaning in getting along and giving time to be role models who are willing to sacrifice. Leading the child in the form of the main person in charge of the child through thoughts, actions and examples, and then leading to set an example for the child to live responsibly, respectfully, obediently, and be full of disciplinary values that he instilled from childhood.
From the dimension of the husband's position as a leader, on the function or role dimension is to show his leadership by being in charge of reviving, protecting, mobilizing and managing his family members. but it should be noted that the essence as a leader is to save, protect, love and serve. Being a husband means a family leader who must love his wife, children, and other family members. In the narrative, all teach to love others, love wives, love children as if they love themselves and their wives and members should respect their husbands or fathers. Language affection is composed of two words which have almost the same meaning. Love means feeling of affection (love, liking). Love means love to, very fond of. Love is more pinned on the feelings that exist within a person, whereas love is the manifestation of these feelings of love to others (Prasetyo, 2020). Leading accompanied by love ISSN:00333077 5424 www.psychologyandeducation.net for their children and everything they need, without calculating and without unnatural conditions. They are always willing to forgive his mistakes and delinquencies, and in the circumstances of their life they are a rock of security for him. So that with naturalness the role of parents in the family cannot be replaced by other roles.
In an equality pattern, each spouse or family member has the same role in expressing opinions, listening to or asking for something. The division of roles is not always the same and can change roles from one another. Although in practice, this pattern is always called balanced, it is not always practicable. moreover, the portions are not always the same from time to time but this pattern is still said to be balanced (Wardyaningrum, 2014).
In principle, every family including Mr. Darmanto's family wants a family system that is good in social order as well as obedient in matters of religion and religion. Because, it is believed that a religious person will always act based on religious teachings in caring for many circles. Through these actions, a person deserves to be respected, honored, respected, and accepted by society in general. In family life, religious values must be carried out properly, such as the teaching of filial piety to both parents. If this teaching is carried out properly, the relationship between parents and children will be good, without distinguishing or seeing different religions, such as children respecting their parents, and vice versa, parents have a feeling of affection for their children. Likewise with a husband or wife, both of them share their feelings, whether in difficult or happy conditions, because this is the will that has life.
Even more than that, Bu Wagini saw Mr. Darmanto as a husband who was able to play a role and be responsive in family matters. even in small matters, Mr. Darmanto often did it. Mr. Darmanto is seen as a husband who understands what happens to the condition of the family. Mrs. Wagini explained that Mr. Darmanto often helps with housework, so he is willing to work together (not indifferent). He did not discriminate as if he thought it was a woman's business because while he was able to do it, Mr. Darmanto always did it. in fact, when I woke up late and hadn't cooked the rice, he had already cooked using a rice cooker. Of course, not all husbands want to do this.
Here the rights and obligations as husband or wife are still carried out properly, so that their lives as husband and wife of different religions remain warm, harmonious and peaceful. In addition, this is supported by their open understanding of religion. For them, religion has in common, namely universal values because the science of religion teaches goodness, honesty and justice. As described by Mrs.Wagini's mother, Sumiati explained that the figure of Mr. Darmanto was a good and responsible husband. as someone who doesn't say much even to children. But when it comes to responsibility, I see him as a good father to his children. Their family needs are carried together. His wife at home takes care of the house, educates the children, and manages the shop, just like the usual mothers. As husband and father are never harsh with their families or their wives, children or siblings. But when angry is usually angrier than an angry person, even though it rarely happens. different from my son Wagini, like most women, although he looks quite firm and talkative. When it comes to religion, my value of wagini does not have such a deep understanding, but I am sure that they live through it with the values taught by religion.
Meanwhile, the role of Mrs. Wagini as a wife for her husband and mother for her children in every sector of human life, more specifically in family life, has a very high meaning and role. The position of meaning and the role of the wife in the family tradition of Mr. Darmanto is not far from that of other families who adhere to Javanese traditions or culture. a wife must be good at "Nggawe Mareming Ati", namely making and giving satisfaction to the husband, peace, the realm where a husband will feel how important a wife is. second, a wife must be "Pinter Makarti", which is capable and good at working economically to contribute to the burden of family needs. A wife does not have the obligation to grow the economy in the form of commerce or www.psychologyandeducation.net work productively, at least the wife can manage family finances that come from a husband. Third, a wife is required to be "Pinter Mandiri" who is less dependent on her husband Meanwhile, the wife's role as the mother of her children determines the quality and progress of the child. The quality of the family can be reflected in the happiness, growth, and progress of the child, because the destruction and unhappiness of the household can result in the child becoming a victim. The role of mothers for their children, among others, is to care for and care for children, provide food for their children, care for and supervise children, become priests for their children. Being a priest means conveying complaints, problems, and joys of children. The mother also plays a role in being a mouthpiece for the values of life, namely conveying religious teachings to children. In Javanese culture called Pinter Mardisiwi is the role of women who must be able to educate their children with love. The mother acts as a role model and teacher for her child. It needs to be realized that the mother's life becomes the color in the child's life, both positive and negative things. The children's words, deeds, and lifestyle will be imitated by the children. Meanwhile, when acting as a teacher, a mother must also be able to educate her children. The success of a child is largely determined by the family, because that is where the child gets his first education (Hyoscyamina, 2011). The role of parents in educating children is very influential in the process of child development, although it needs to be supported by social institutions such as schools and the environment. Likewise, the husband's attitude towards his wife or in reverse is very influential in education in the family, because this will affect the characteristics or behavior of the child.

Family Communication: Tepo Seliro, Tresna and Sumarah Communication
In the context of the family, Mrs. Wagini and Mr. Darmanto are always willing and able to accept children as they are. Friendship patterns will be easier to grow in an atmosphere full of similarities or parallels. no, an atmosphere of limitation and imprisonment, especially with an atmosphere that always assumes that children are weak, immature, or must always be indoctrinated (Novianti et al., 2017). This shows an attitude that assumes that all family members are in an equal position or equality. This is a description of family communication in Javanese terms called Tepo Seliro, Tresna and Sumarah.
Mr. Darmanto's family is considered to have a fairly good upbringing pattern even with conditions of different religions. Even in difficult circumstances, children can still go to school. the assumption that religious education is important for the guidance of his life and religious values must be owned by humans. However, marriage actors of different religions prefer to believe that the values of each religion teach character, morals, and values of goodness. most importantly for them, the child remains a child who must be obedient and obedient to their parents. however, as parents can also make children as friends so that there is no awkwardness for the child. because, the feeling of comfort like a friend makes the child more open and feel closer, and makes harmonious and warm in the home atmosphere.
Apply family members horizontally and democratically. Through equality means that it does not contain a patronizing attitude in communicating because each has the same and balanced position. Acceptance is the ability to relate to others without trying to control. Then, acceptance also means the attitude of seeing other people as human beings, as individuals who are worthy of respect. Interpersonal communication is more effective when the atmosphere is equal. This means tacit recognition that both parties value, are useful, and have something important to contribute. Equality asks to give positive, unconditional rewards to other individuals.
For parents who accept children as they are, it means avoiding feelings of just wanting to judge and force children about the truth or error of their opinions, feelings, and actions. One day, if there is a disagreement and conflict between children and parents, they must consider everything as just an attempt to know, understand, and understand that www.psychologyandeducation.net in essence these differences do exist. Not as an opportunity to reject, belittle, and bring down others to achieve victory, which then creates a feeling of superiority to others. In the communication process that occurs in common, each family member must be willing to be a speaker and a listener. Willing to express what he feels at the same time must be prepared and willing to carefully express what other people feel.
That acceptance is likened to that of Wagini's mother if one day her daughter begins to have close male friends or boyfriends. the acceptance process is pursued through a calm attitude as friends and parents. the thing that is of concern is not the face or appearance of his male friends, but the attitude of caution in relationships and the future of education. as children also accept the condition of the parents who have earned and provided a living for their children. and, an attitude that accepts the decision of parents when giving understanding to share which should come first.
Parents who are able to communicate effectively, are able to convey their messages openly, are empathetic, supportive, positive, and prioritize egalitarian attitudes in positioning children as children and position children as humans who have the same essence. Through dialogue with children, it is hoped that they will be able to guide, encourage, and develop aspects of their children's personality which have an impact on the character of children who are able to be and stand on their own feet.
On the one hand, Mr. Darmanto's family falls into the category of balanced communication patterns, although not infrequently uses unbalanced communication. This is done on the basis of which area and what problems are its roles. Theoretically, if a family adheres to the view that the role is not only the husband but the wife also has rights, it can be seen that the communication that occurs will be balanced both between the parents, Mr. Darmanto and Mrs. Wagini, as well as both and the child. In this condition, the relationship between other family members will be very close, because each of them does not feel that they have a role so they are free to express their opinions. According to DeVito (1986), that in a family like the one above can be categorized into a pattern of similarity in which each party is equal, trusts each other and each party is open to ideas, opinions and beliefs in others (DeVito, 2016). With this kind of condition, the communication that occurs in the family can be balanced, namely that each party places itself according to its role. Parents in this family consider children not only as objects that must always be obedient but are considered partners in communicating so that balanced communication can be established between them.
In the family, communication that is unbalanced should be minimized because this communication dominates the role and tends to make decisions on their own and rarely asks the opinion of other family members. The above circumstances can cause unidirectional communication and less return flow. Other family members are not free to express their opinions so that the communication that occurs in this family can be said to be ineffective, meaning that the wife and children are not considered equal participants. Goode (2007) states that various schemes will create different types of families. Fitzpatrick and colleagues have identified four types of families; consensual family, pluralistic family, protective family, and laissez-faire family or tolerant family. Each of these families has certain types of parents defined by the way they use their space, time, and energy and the degree to which they express their feelings, exercise power and share common philosophies about their marriage (Goode, 2000). A certain type of family scheme combined with a communication orientation or conformity will produce a certain type of marriage. The types of marriage are traditional, independent and separate. Each type of marriage works in very different ways.
Consensual family types have high levels of conversation and compatibility. Consensual families often speak, but it is the family leaders who make the decisions. This family is under ISSN:00333077 5427 www.psychologyandeducation.net pressure to value open communication, while they also want clear parental powers. Parents are usually good listeners for their children, but make decisions and then explain them to children in an attempt to help them understand the rationale behind the decisions.
When witnessing the existence of Mr. Darmanto's family, what is the theory of Goode's thinking about the classification of family types. In reality, Mr. Darmanto's family approaches the overall value of the existing types, sometimes Mr. Darmanto forms one of the characteristics of the type, consensual, pluralist, while on the one hand forms a tolerant or even protective type. However, when viewed deeper, the most dominating type is laissez-faire or tolerant. For example, it is reflected in activities or efforts to fulfill family needs, both Mr. Darmanto and Mrs. Wagini always work together well. Basically, this family does not really question finances, because the results of each are used for necessities.
Being positive is synonymous with the formation of self-concepts, views, and one's own judgment, in this case, children. If parents have a positive attitude, have a positive attitude, see their children positively, then the child will judge himself as a positive individual, and develop a positive selfconcept in him.
Parents in the family place a value on stability and certainty in the role of family members in an equal position or equality. Apply family members horizontally and democratically. They have a strong dependency and have many friends. There is not too much conflict in the family because authority and decision making is shared according to norms. for example, the husband can be authorized in certain types of decisions and the wife can be authorized in other decisions. Individual members of the family tended to support the request of the other by thinking about the relationship rather than refuting each other's arguments.